can be found here!! :)

…I’ll publish longer posts on my wp. Yea. I’ll still come back occasionally. This isn’t goodbye!

Reading through all of 1 Peter has never been so sweet and comforting to my soul. 

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 5:6-11)

What a blessing it is to have the rich gift and privilege of reading God’s unchanging Word. Hebrews 4:12 is so true - “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Thankful that God speaks to me through His Word. :) 

Each time I come back to San Diego, I always anticipate God to humble me in one way or another. In one way, I’m always encouraged, sharpened and challenged to love and live for Christ whenever I meet up with a handful of sisters. It’s great because even though we may not have seen each other for more than half a year, catching up and seeing God’s sanctifying work in them is always sweet. In another, God uses my family to humble me - revealing my natural inclinations & sinfulness - but ultimately to show that I am a lot weaker than I think. 

As I was talking to one of the sisters, she was sharing a teabag analogy. When the teabag is placed in a cup of hot water, the tea in the leaves are extracted, giving the water its herbal flavor and scent. The longer the teabag has settled in the water, the stronger the tea. Similarly, our sins are analogous to the teabag, and God uses various people or circumstances (hot water) to reveal our sinfulness to us. Without those outside factors, we have a tendency to think and speak very highly of ourselves (aka, pride). “Oh, I would never be tempted by such and such” or “I think I’m a loving and patient person”. Note to self: Proverbs 29:23.

Something I’ve learned is, my ugly pride will push aside Matthew 7:3-5, and blame circumstances and people for my wrongdoings. “Dude, if it weren’t for this person tempting me in this way, I wouldn’t have done that”, “I can’t believe I did that, but honestly, if the situation were different, I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t have happened” - hmm, surely, I “knew myself” - but God knows me better. “Would not God discover this? For he knows the secrets of the heart.” (Psalm 44:21) I can also wallow in regret and question God’s sovereignty. So, what? I can’t turn back the time to change my actions after seeing the consequences, and who am I to question God’s disclosed will?

Proper response? Definitely not shifting the blame or to sulk in a pool of regret, but be quick to come in honest confession and repentance before the Lord, owning up to my own sins and asking Him for forgiveness. Through this, Romans 2:4 is painted clearly - how His patience, kindness and forbearance is meant to lead me to repentance. We have received reconciliation with a Holy God, which is only possible through Jesus Christ alone. (Romans 5:11) Ergo, rejoice in Christ for salvation and sanctification! 

With this new year approaching, I’m praying that God would teach & lead me to:
_love genuinely (Romans 12:9)
_be pure in heart (Matthew 5:8)
_deepen in my understanding of His Word (Psalm 119:34)
_genuine repentance of revealed sins (Romans 2:4)
_draw closer in fellowship with Him through prayer
_appreciate sweet fellowship with brothers & sisters in Christ (Hebrews 10:24-25)
_understand the meaning of Mark 8:34-35 & seek to live it out
_emulate Jesus Christ and His heart for broken sinners

I’m looking forward to see how God will work, whether it be to save or sanctify souls. This life isn’t about myself, but it’s about emulating Christ for the purpose of His Gospel message to be spread forth. Therefore, I’m wholly dependent on His grace and mercy daily, I am to work heartily for Him, to remain still in Him amidst trials - and in all this, worship Him for I know He is God. He is sovereign, He is faithful and He will do all things to glorify His name. 

All that I have said could simply be ‘Christianese’ flowing out of my mouth - but my confidence is not in my words, but it is in Him alone.“The heart of man plans his ways, but the LORD establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

Recently, I’ve been reflecting about God’s attributes of forbearance, patience & generosity. It’s amazing that God would continue to show His patience towards me, despite the countless times I fall into sin every day. I read Romans this morning, and for some reason, this verse stood out to me:

“Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” (Rom. 2:4)

This past Sunday, I went to Lighthouse Bible Church in San Diego, and Pastor Patrick talked about Christian joy in the midst of hardship. He preached on James 1:5-8.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. but let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” 

In order to endure through trials and suffering for the name of Christ with joy, requires a particular wisdom that only God can impart to the Christian. What stood out to me was the parallel in Jesus’ sermon on the Mount - Mt. 7:7-11. 

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” 

How much more is God trying to encourage me to ask? In my arrogance and disobedience, I was not making intentional effort to ask God for His wisdom in times of distress. But God used my disobedience to teach me something new. 

Balancing church, school, internships, jobs and friends simultaneously is a challenge in that, it’s hard to excel at one thing when I’m spread out so thin between different areas. I’ve been thinking about how I’ve tried so hard to be perfect by my own strength, how I sought after approval and praise from man through strong work ethics, and how I zealously desired not to disappoint people. All of this is ultimately a result of my fear of man, which results in me obviously failing because I cannot uphold ‘human perfection’ to the dot.

When I became a Christian, I ‘knew’ my aim was to do all things for God, and that my calling isn’t to please or seek approval from man. But amidst worldly distractions, I have lost sight of who it is I am truly serving. Pleasing people is an idol in my heart that God has been revealing to me. When I disappointed my manager yesterday at work, the self-condemnation I imposed upon myself evoked such a strong inner turmoil, and I didn’t realize how much it’d affect my ability to stay sober-minded - or how it would cloud my eyes from seeing the grace and mercy that God has already shown to me through Jesus Christ. 

Haha, here I was wallowing in these thoughts, “I’m trying so hard to meet my manager’s expectations, God! Why can’t I do it?!”, & it made me think -If I fear my manager getting upset with me by making one minor mistake, how much more fearful ought I be before my God if absolute perfection is demanded of my heart, mind & soul? If that’s the prerequisite to come before the Holy God, then how can I even approach Him? In that case, I come empty-handed because I have nothing to offer but my polluted garments. 

But that’s the beauty and power of the Gospel. The Gospel has the power to help me say & believe with confidence that, “I am guilty, but pardoned, lost, but saved, wandering, but found, sinning, but cleansed” (Valley of Vision, The Broken Heart). It is because of Christ that I am counted righteous and perfect in the sight of my Father. God’s generosity and our freedom in Christ isn’t a means for me to cheapen His amazing grace, but it’s meant to be embraced with thanksgiving, leading me to genuinely repent of my sins and to live in whole-hearted devotion and worship to Him by word and deed. 

Although I am so prone to wander and stray - Lord, help me to remember that my calling as a friend, daughter, sister, sister in Christ, co-worker, intern, student, etc. are a means by which I can fulfill my primary calling. Moreover, I am a daughter to the true & living God and I am a co-heir to the inheritance of Jesus Christ. Fixate my mind on my higher calling, and may this overflow to the various callings you’ve given to me during my time here in this world - that I may well-represent and honor my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ through trust & obedience of Your will. 

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When God who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. …seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. …And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in your richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. …Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” (Col. 3:1-4, 9b-10, 14-17, 23-24) 

Thank you, that your Word roots me in the hope and truth of your Gospel. Thank you for convicting me to ask for Your wisdom where I am lacking, and that you generously give without reproach. Thank you that my worth is found complete in Christ. 

“My sin is to look on my faults and be discouraged, or to look on my good and be puffed up. I fall short of thy glory every day by spending hours unprofitably, by thinking that the things I do are good, when they are not done to thy end, not spring from the rules of thy Word. 

My sin is to fear what never will be; I forget to submit to thy will, and fail to be quiet there. But Scripture teaches me that thy active will reveals a steadfast purpose on my behalf, and this quietens my soul, and makes me love thee.

While I live let my life be exemplary, 
When I die may my end be peace.”

(Valley of Vision - Shortcomings)

My confidence is placed fully in Christ, who loved me and gave His life for me. & to this end, I can live day-to-day victoriously by the wisdom He supplies, knowing that “the testing of [my] faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1:3-4)